The Respectful Ass Washer

Some days, an altercation occurs that just blows your mind.

It was a rule at the pool that folks who were fresh out of the steam room had to rinse off in the shower before entering the pool or hot tub.

We policed this as best as we could, but it was difficult. Some people would exit the steam room a sweaty mess and quickly jump in the pool before we could even catch them. But one day, a member did my job for me. He spotted someone jump from the steam room to the pool without rinsing off and proceeded to reprimand that member for his infraction.

Here is an almost exact transcription of that altercation.

member # 1: "Hey buddy! You didn't shower off before you got in the pool!"

member # 2: "So?"

member # 1: "So? That's the rule, dammit! I have to get in the pool now with your sweat floating in it!"

member # 2: "That's why the pool is chlorinated! Ahh-mind your own business!"

member # 1: (now oddly enraged) "It is my business dammit! You think I wanna swim around in your sweat cuz' you can't follow the rules? When I woke up this morning I had diarrhea! But I respectfully washed my ass before I came to the pool!"

I guess what blew my mind so much is how member # 1 so freely admitted to member # 2 (and everyone else at the pool that day watching this argument) that he had diarrhea. Also, the fact that he was using diarrhea to prop up his defense was fascinating. The guy was in an unprovoked rage, and to prove what a noble, upstanding, rule-respecting patron he was, he was willing to admit that he had loose bowel movement, but hey-he washed his ass after that! (Well okay then! You win!)

Pardon me, but couldn't he have used a less disgusting, less insane example of how he cleaned himself as an example for member # 2? It seems to me he could have just as easily said "I was dirty after a tough workout but I respectfully took a shower before I came into the pool!" and gotten the same effect. But no, this guy went straight to the diarrhea example.

From that moment on, member # 1 was deemed 'The Respectful Ass Washer'.

D